Thursday, March 31, 2005 @ 12:30 pm
I'm still a child after all....

Yesterday had biochem test n i dun haf much confidence tat i'll do well in it. There's jus too many things to remember n it seems like once i remember something, i forget abt something else. Ok it's a poor excuse but when i receive the paper my mind is blank. I haf no idea how to start. The questions were ok, jus write down the equations n most probably will get it rite. But i could only remember bits & pieces of information. I haf no idea how much of stuff i write r facts. I could only pray tat i manage to pass. The comin exams i also dun haf much faith in it. Especially basic pathology. All the notes tat i had written r in point-form so i dun tink i can write much in the essay questions. I guess tis semester's results will be worse tat the previous. My parents will sure be disappionted bah.

I wasn't feeling gd yesterday n i tink abt a lot of things. Though i'm 19, i still act like a child after all. There was a time when i was young abt 5 0r 6, i start to realise the power of tears. I never like to cry but sometimes it can't be control. I can't remember the exact incident but i was in kindergarden n some of the kids were like saying i did something wrong n wanted me to apologise or something. I of course dun tink i did anything wrong n ignore them. Then i tink the kids were like goin to tell the teacher or something then i get kind of scared. Tat time i didn't wan to get into trouble even if i tink i didn't do anything wrong. To me, being scolded by teacher is humilating. We start to haf lessons n were playing games or wat. I remember i fell down and it didn't hurt much but i cried. I guess i did tat was bcos kids who cry get the most attention n won't get blame 4 anything. When i first started sch, i didn't cry but to get out of trouble i cried. The teacher was concerned abt me n the kids didn't tell the teacher anything. Looking back, i hate wat i did. I was jus being scheming, using the sympathy of the teacher. I didn't have the courage to face the teacher n the kids jus 4 the fear of punishment and being accused of doin something wrong. I was such a wimp n i tink i still am. The other time i cried was abt a few years ago. Tis time i cried bcos i was feeling sorry 4 myself. There were a grp of us who were persuading a person to stay. The person didn't like the place n wanted to leave. I was feeling really sad bcos if tat person leave i'll be alone. N 4 tat i cried. I wasn't crying bcos the person was leaving n i'm worried abt tat person. I am selfish tat i tink abt myself first before others. I'm sorry to tat person who wanted to leave but still stayed 4 a little while. Only a child will cry when feeling sorry for himself. Jus like they wanted candy but could not haf it n they start crying. Tinking abt the past makes me wonder wat's my point of existence. I can't do much of anything, even my studies now isn't gd enuff to get me anywhere. 19 years of my life n wat haf i accomplish? Study hard any other ppl also can do tat. To protect my loved ones? It seems like i was the one who need protection. Even when i sometimes try to break free, my parents especially my mum would worry n fuss over me jus bcos i'm the baby of the family. My friends surely dun need me to protect, when my own life is a mess n they're much stronger than me(i dun mean physically). Wat's my place in tis world? Definitely is not where i am right now.

I wish i haf something to protect.

Saturday, March 26, 2005 @ 9:16 pm
Haf we become numb?.

Today went to Singapore Post wif Siew Chen to buy clothes. Haf to buy first cos after tat i tink no time to buy liao. Found 2 formal pants n 2 tops. Later went to Parkway to buy shoes n another formal pants. Total spent close to $100, lucky mum got give $ otherwise i haf to scape n save. (Those who dun have to wear formal for attachment won't understand tis) In total i bought 6 items so on average 1 item abt $16~ ^_^ I tink still haf to look for another top. Maybe tis comin wk goin to buy.

Read the newspaper today then i find it quite disturbing how numb we haf become. If u haf been reading the newspaper, u would noe tat recently there is another person who was knocked down by the mrt. I first heard abt it on the radio when some1 sms into the radio station to say tat there's a accident at Buona Vista mrt. So i thought some1 had commit suicide again. But tis time the guy who met the accident went on the tracks to pick up his shoe n when he wanted to climb up to the platform he got hit by the train. His fiance was trying to pull him up but she doesn't haf enuff strength so she was like crying for help. There were ppl on the platform yet no 1 came to help her. She jus watch him die in front of her eyes. Tat kind of shock i guess no 1 would want to experience it. Wat irritates me is how other ppl can watch some one else die in front of their eyes. Even if they r strangers, it is still some1's life. Yet they r so numb to the lady's cries n act like it's somebody's else business n it doesn't bother them. Is tis wat is happening ard us? Is tis the kind of world we r trying to create? Sure he shouldn't haf go down to the tracks in the first place but to be blind to wat is happening in front of u is jus trying to deceive urself. Haf we lost our feelings in search of our happiness? Is our job n schooling more important than some1's life? I can't say for sure wat i'll do if i was there but if i act like them i would feel guilty, for being a murderer. It's ironic tat we live in such a warm place yet our hearts r so cold.

@ 9:13 pm
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Map of Twelve Kingdoms 

Friday, March 25, 2005 @ 9:26 pm
Twelve Kingdoms rocks!!!!!!!.

Yesterday after sch went to kino. Wanted to buy book to read during the long weekend. Actually i wanted to buy Twelve Kingdoms series "Guo nan zhi yi" first but there's no stock so i bought "The Shore in Twilight, The Sky in Daybreak" both part 1 and 2. ^_^ I just finished reading both parts before dinner and it was great. I tink this is the climax of the Twelve Kingdoms series cos there's quite a number of characters entering the plot. And tis part sort of sums up the whole mystery abt Taiki. "Son of the Demon" which is the first part of Twelve Kingdoms doesn't make much sense when i first read it. But after reading "The Shore in Twilight, The Sky in Daybreak", it sort of fit in the puzzle. I really recommend this series, u wouldn't regret reading tis unless u can't read chinese(then perhaps c the anime) or u dun have any imagination(the genre is fantasy). The anime is quite good too but it isn't as detailed as the book.

In case u haf no idea wat Twelve Kingdoms is all abt, it is abt a modern high sch girl, Nakajima Yoko, who feels out of place and tries to maintain a good girl image to please everyone. She then meets a guy named Keiki wif long blond hair who bows before her n declared her as his master. In order to protect Yoko frm the monsters tat r after her, Keiki starts Shoku (kind of like a pathway to connect the modern world n the alternate world except it is like a storm n may be accompanied by other natural disasters) to bring her over to the other world. When she reached the other world Keiki was nowhere in sight. Left with only the sword Keiki left her, a confused Yoko sets out in an unknown world to look for Keiki. Basically the plot is something like tat. The chinese translation for Twelve Kingdoms give a better idea abt how the story goes. But the translation differs slightly frm the actually novel and if u like the story, it is best to buy the novel or the anime. The same goes for the Inuyasha translation. Buy either the anime or the comics if u like the story.

I also added a pic of Enki to the blog. Cute rite? I tink i'll continue to add pics to introduce the various characters n maybe include pics frm other anime.

@ 8:59 pm
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Enki looking troubled. 

Monday, March 21, 2005 @ 7:12 pm
Busy, busy....

Yesterday went to Suntec wif Gek Choo, Siew Chen n Hoon Ching. At first planning to watch Son of the Mask but it seems a bit lame. So end up watching A Series of Unfortunate Events. I tink the movie's okay, it didn't excite me much. Shld not watch it on weekends though, it's not worth $8.50. Then we went to Pastamania to eat lunch. I ordered creamy chicken pasta. Kind of regret it when i eat a few mouthfuls. It's not tat it tastes yucky it's jus tat i'm not used to the creamy sauce. I feel quite full when i'm abt 3/4 though. Next time i tink i better stick to tomato sauce. We gave a T-shirt to Hoon Ching for her birthday. I tink it's quite nice hope she likes it. After tat we walk ard bugis junction. There got some nice earrings but i tink it's quite ex to pay $8 for 1 pair. Went to Kino to look ard, they dun seem to haf older game strategy. Hai haf to wait 4 holidays to c got any games to buy.

Tis wk got 2 tests... Hope can survive...

Wednesday, March 16, 2005 @ 10:42 pm
Wat to wear?.

Today go n c Ms Phoon to noe the details of ITP. The fact tat CGH has no $ is bad enuff but now seems like can't even wear T-shirt to work. Now mus go n look 4 formal pants n polo tees. Do they even look nice together? Heck not like i goin to stay there permenantly. But how many outfits do i haf to buy? Weekends haf to go shopping liao.

I really like the Amazing Race series. Each season always haf some interesting couples to look out 4. The newest season has Rob n Amber from Survivior. At first i didn't really notice them plus i hardly watch Survivior so i dunno wat r they like. But now i tink Rob is a very scheming guy. Most of the time he uses $ to get his way thru n in today's episode he really noes how to plan to get the best of things. He could not finish the road block so they took the penalty. But they also persuade other grps to take the penalty since some grps were not there. It's sort of like since i can't do it u shall join me tat kind of thing. He's smart in tat tis move ensures tat they r not the last grp. I dun like him but it's interesting to c wat he's up to.

Sunday, March 13, 2005 @ 3:11 pm
Busy 4 the nxt few wks....

The nxt few wks i'll be quite busy n won't be blogging as much. A lot of tests comin up n mus really work hard liao, some of the previous tests results not very gd. Honestly i'm gettin very tired. So much so i feel like i'm a 80 year old lady. Why do ppl haf to compete to prove tat they r better? It seems tat by competing, it's the only way tat can be sure of themselves. Can't they be happy when they reach their own targets? Why try to always beat other ppl? R they goin to do it even when they're old n dying? I feel tat if u care abt other ppl, it doesn't matter if u do worse than them n u feel happy 4 them if they did better. Ppl wif intentions of proving tat they're better will be glad tat they did better than others. Even when it's abt something bad, they compete as in who is more unfortunate. All they wan is to gain some sympathy frm other ppl. There's no such thing as more unfortunate. Pain is pain, no matter wat form. Unfortunate events is not something worth boasting abt. Tis is wat i haf observed frm some ppl. I hope tat they can realise wat they r doin before they regret it.

Yesterday went to suntec wif Siew Chen. Kinda long time never go there then plus i wan to c the IT show. There were so many ppl tat some places u haf to walk like 1 step per sec. At the IT show it was worse. I start to feel sweaty n uncomfortable so we didn't walk 4 a long time. In the end we didn't buy anything except 4 a 25 cents ice cream. It's gettin hot again, wish tat it would rain.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005 @ 10:56 pm
CGH here i come.

Today's balloting doesn't seems like balloting. Cos most of the places u dun haf to ballot u can get the place. Most ppl wan those wif $. CGH no $ but i kind of happy wif the place lah. Quite near my house then plus i noe all those goin to CGH. I hope tat the ppl at CGH is quite nice. But maybe need to wear formal... ah haf to buy clothes. Sian~

Went to kinokuniya at orchard after sch. Bought the second part of "A Great Distance in the Wind, The Sky at Dawn" of the Twelve Kingdoms series by Ono Fuyumi. Read abt 1/3 already, tink can finish by tml. Hai atm running low on $, tink haf to stop spending until after exams. So many things to buy (3 more Twelve Kingdoms books, 2 boxes of Twelve Kingdoms anime n 3 boxes of Inuyasha anime) yet so little $. I need $ management.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005 @ 6:36 pm
Tml shall decide my attachment location....

Tml got balloting 4 attachment location. Got a lot of worries. Hope can go to CGH or KK as these 2 r the closest to my home, hope at least some1 i noe is goin to the same place as me, hope tat there r nice ppl there n the experience isn't a nightmare. I can only pray tat Lady Luck is wif me tml...

@ 8:26 am
I'll not act feminine to get a guy.

Yesterday went to Jurong East kbox after sch wif Ya Ching n Malvina. We sang frm 11.40am to abt 2pm. We had our "lunch" there. It's so pathetic, they only haf Delifrance so no choice, n it's only a tuna puff tat cost $5. Dun ever go n sing when it's lunch time, most of their lunch ain't nice. Then we went to Long John to eat our real lunch. After tat when to Jurong East library, it's really nice n much bigger than other libraries. Too bad it's so far frm home, otherwise can go n borrow books.

Later in the evening went to Bedok to eat bbq food wif Hui Min, Hoon Ching n Siew Chen but somehow cannot find the stall tat sells sting ray. End up eating chicken wings, satay n fried oyster. Hoon Ching seems surprised tat i dun eat oyster but i jus dun like the taste. I'm very picky abt my food so nxt time dun be too surprised. After tat we went to Bedok library. Not too many books there n also quite messy. Maybe bcos it's goin to close soon so they never clear up. I didn't noe the library got video tapes n some even on anime. They got Fushigi Yugi, i tink it's only haf the top half of the anime. I recommend it but maybe the way i say it makes them tink it's a restricted kind of anime. Well i tink some part of it is a bit ... but overall it's an anime very suitable 4 girls.

I heard some guys talk abt how nowadays some girls dun wear skirts n dun haf long hair n how they dun act like girls anymore. I heard it when i was walking past them. I haf something to say abt tis. I dun haf a bf ever in tis 19 years of my life (pathetic maybe but so wat) and well i'm pretty much satisfied wif my life. Maybe some regrets here n there but i'm glad to haf walk so far. Honestly speaking, i would like a bf too. But not to the extent tat i lose myself in the process of getting a guy. I hardly wear skirts as i tink it's kind of troublesome n u haf to sit properly otherwise some ppl can see free show. It's hard 4 me to keep long hair as my hair is quite thick and plus the hot weather we have here, it's kind of a pain to keep long hair. How do u define feminine? Speaking softly, have long hair n wear skirts? Do guys follow tis criteria before they get to noe the girl better? If they do, i guess i'll be single all my life. I believe there r girls out there who dun agree wif wat they say. They should really be looking 4 barbie as their gf. It's sad how some guys still stick to tis perception till now.

Saturday, March 05, 2005 @ 3:02 pm
As long as u move on, u'll get somewhere.

Yesterday A level results were released n i noe some of my buddies didn't do very well. If u dunno where u wan to go, i guess u could visualise wat u wan to be doin in like 20 or 30 years time. All it matters is tat u r happy wif urself. ^_^

Went to parkway yesterday wif Siew Ting, Siew Chen n Hui Min to eat at Pastamania. Siew Chen n Hui Min, dun worry too much, there's a will, there's a way. Mon nite mus enjoy ourselves, dun tink too much. Been a long time since i played san guo game at arcade. My hand a bit tired from using the buttons. But quite shiok cos long time never played together wif Siew Ting. I tink i may wan to change to starhub broadband as i heard a lot gd feedback abt it. May haf to discuss it wif my second sis.

Thursday, March 03, 2005 @ 9:19 pm
All the best 4 those receiving A levels results tml!.

First of all haf to say gd luck to my buddies who r taking A levels result tml, dun be too nervous, u can do it! ^_^

Today's lesson damm boring, tat B. Yang ask us to look 4 info in the library when we suppose to haf lessons. He doesn't seem to understand tat not every1 is like him n study the same way as he do. He shld jus use powerpoint slides and give us proper notes instead. Sure dun wan to c him again in 3rd year...

Previously i said i was tinking whether to buy the Twelve Kingdoms anime, well i bought it jus a few days ago. It's really great n i plan to watch it again later. Enki is so cute!!! Of course the consequence is tat i haf to save $ liao. Somemore i bought 2 boxes (the 2nd box at half price ^_^), so i tink i haf to deposit some of my ang bao $ in my atm. I tink nxt wk better dun follow Ya Ching n Malvina to watch movie, plus recently dun really haf any nice shows.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 @ 9:52 pm
We r foolish....

Yesterday went to c Howl's Moving Castle at Cineleisure. It's still ok, it didn't bore me but i won't watch a second time. I get most of the plot but there r certain things i don't get. Did Sophia's spell get broken in the end? She looks just like before but her hair is silvery-grey. I tink some of the other ppl r also somewat confuse by the sudden change in appearance of Sophia. I feel tat tis happens when Sophia gets caught up in how she looks and gets all depressed, then she become a year old woman. Overall it's quite a nice show. Oh ya the nachos sold at Cineleisure is not very nice. The cheese is quite watery and a bit disgusting. The staff there was be trying to cut cost.

After the movie, Ya Ching, Malvina n i went to HMV. I kind of like Ai Otsuka's music but dunno whether her newest cd is worth buying or not. But i guess tis can still wait. Later we when to Kinokuniya. Vol 48 of Dectective Conan is still not out yet. I tink i will spent the rest of the wks trying to save $ to buy The Twelve Kingdoms series. I saw "Tasogare no Kishi, Akatsuki no Sora" of The Twelve Kingdoms, both part 1 and 2. I can't wait to get my hands on it. =) I tink i'm obsessed with The Twelve Kingdoms but frankly i dun care. Too bad the second part of "A Great Distance in the Wind, The Sky at Dawn" was not there, otherwise i would be reading it.

I honestly tink tat we humans r foolish. Y i say tat it's bcos we jump into wrong conclusions abt things tat we noe nothing abt or we dunno the whole truth abt it. The ppl ard me don't understand anything abt The Twelve Kingdoms yet they deduce tat the story is not nice, it's not worth to spend time on it. I guess i'm a bit mad abt it but if tat's how they c it, i guess tat they haf mistaken a lot of things in their life and miss out on a lot. I am foolish too as i dislike certain foods even though i haf not eaten it before. There r things i dislike but i would not even try to understand them at all. I guess tis goes 4 all humans. It's something tat is hard to change since we r such imperfect beings.